she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
