dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
