it wasn't lemon gatorade
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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