i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
