How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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