no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
