and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
