So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
