Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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