May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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