It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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