have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it's great music for shaving your balls
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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