How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
