i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
