sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
