that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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