also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
