Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
