You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
