I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
