haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
