IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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