she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
