Tell her she can't have a vagina
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
