My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
