omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
