I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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