I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
