he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
