# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
