I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just had sex on a roof
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
