Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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