I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
