So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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