If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
