one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
