I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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