My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
