Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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