i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
