I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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