would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
