dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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