So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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