omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
