Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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