Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
