Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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