My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
