i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
