I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
