theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Randomize
