Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
